You know your spouse as cheerful, enthusiastic, and easy-going, but suddenly, something has changed, and now you suspect that your husband is miserable. If you haven’t had any hard times recently and never started huge fights, you may be dealing with miserable husband syndrome.
Living with a miserable husband is a real challenge, especially if his personality change is too drastic. The first thing you should know is that it’s not you who makes your husband unhappy. There can be so many reasons why your spouse feels this way.
The good news is that you can help your husband get rid of this syndrome and have a full and happy life again. In this article, we will consider some effective strategies for those who want to support their spouses on their way to healing.
What Is Miserable Husband Syndrome and How to Spot It?
Miserable husband syndrome is the state of prevailing anxiety, stress, and irritation in men caused by various factors, such as:
- Decreased testosterone level;
- Stressful environment;
- Adverse effects of medications.
Unfortunately, this syndrome is not researched by doctors and does not have an official name nowadays. Moreover, men are generally less inclined to be open about their feelings in comparison with women, so sometimes, it takes too much time for a family to find out about the issue.
Nevertheless, it is paramount to take measures that can alleviate the syndrome as soon as possible. Otherwise, ignoring the symptoms may lead to serious health issues in your husband and a low quality of life for the whole family.
So, if you are constantly concerned by the question, “Why is my husband so miserable all the time?”, this syndrome may be the answer. By the way, it was given such a name not because men are miserable in marriage but because a wife is usually the first person who notices negative changes in her husband’s behavior.
We have prepared a list of the most worrisome unhappy husband signs for you to better understand when it’s time to take action:
- He Finds Faults in Your Actions
Perhaps you’ve noticed that your husband is always angry and starts conflicts with you or your kids very easily. Or he may be unwilling to compromise and plays the blame game instead of having a normal conversation. After all, if your husband complains about everything and feels that the whole world is against him, and you know that he never acted this way before, that’s obviously a worrying sign.
If you are dealing with a constantly grumpy husband, it’s time to discuss his health and mental well-being. Sometimes, being in physical pain or stress can make a person insufferable. Be patient and especially caring at this point because your spouse may even refuse to have such a conversation at first.
- He Ignores You
If your husband doesn’t communicate with you, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t in love with you anymore or that you did something wrong. The reason may be quite simple yet very sad – his anxiety makes him shut off from the important people. If your husband is suffering from anxiety attacks, he may seem unusually calm, silent, or even avoid your family.
So, if you notice such behavior, it is best to ask your spouse about his feelings and offer your help. Besides, try to find some information on how to alleviate the symptoms of anxiety from credible medical resources.
- He Has a Dismissive or Irritable Attitude
You used to share all your worries with your husband, who has always been there for you, listening to your complaints and sympathizing with your hardships. However, everything has changed recently, and every time you come to your spouse for some compassion, he only brushes you off.
Of course, the idea “My husband is dismissive of my feelings and doesn’t love me anymore” can easily come to your head, but it’s not about his attitude towards you but rather his mental state. Your husband may be so deep in his own dark and anxious thoughts that he has no resources to listen to yours.
- He Prefers to Spend Time with Friends Instead of You
You have noticed that your husband is not supportive of your leisure time ideas anymore. He doesn’t want to have a traditional movie Friday, go on trips, or visit your favorite places. Surely, if your husband prefers to spend his weekends fishing with his friends instead of small family gatherings, that’s a worrying sign.
But do not rush into conclusions with panic thoughts like “My husband has no interest in our family!” Your spouse definitely loves you and the kids most of all, but he’s going through a hard period and seeks comfort in a circle of other men who can understand his problem and even give some advice. In order to spend more time together, show your spouse that you acknowledge his mental struggles and take them seriously.
How to Support a Husband with Miserable Husband Syndrome?
The first thing you should know is that your husband can’t handle stress on his own. The great news is that he can always get support from his caring spouse – you! How to help husband with stress and help him acknowledge the problem? Here is what you can do:
- Show Understanding and Unconditional Love
In hard times like these, you have to become the biggest support for your partner. Let your husband know that you love him for all his insecurities and weaknesses and will always be there for him. When your spouse realizes there is no space for judgment and skepticism in your relationship, he will surely feel less tension.
- Learn How Men Experience and React to Stress
You are sure to know how females react to stress: they can cry, unburden their hearts to their friends and family, and manifest their emotions in a myriad of other ways. It’s more complicated for men. They tend to be more reserved due to the patriarchal society that has always taught them that boys don’t cry since it’s a sign of weakness that undermines their masculinity.
Simply put, if a man is stressed, he will most likely be stoic and never admit that he feels bad and needs help. That is why, even if your husband is always in a bad mood, he may never talk to you about his hardships.
- Create a Calm and Relaxing Atmosphere at Home
Your husband is probably very stressed at work and wishes to come home and have a long-awaited rest. Of course, all family members have certain duties that they must perform regularly, but during this difficult period, it is best to give him more time for his own errands. Being able to have a quality rest at home, your spouse will have enough resources to cope with all the difficulties on his way.
How to Cope with Miserable Husband Syndrome?
If, after reading this article, you realize that your spouse definitely suffers from such a syndrome, do not fret! Here is how to deal with a grumpy husband, help him get rid of this syndrome, and save your marriage:
- Give Him Some Space
If your husband has always been a great family man, you may be confused by his wish to be alone for some time. However, the truth is that people who go through difficult periods in their lives often find solace in solitude.
So, if your spouse spends a couple of evenings in the garage or his office, just let him do so. Do not demand attention at these moments; you’ll see that this small “favor” makes him feel better.
- Don’t React to Everything
He may be rude, cold, or too easily irritated. Now that you know that your spouse has miserable husband syndrome, the best thing you can do is look at this situation from another angle.
If his words or actions hurt you, do not act the same way. Do not cuss or shout at your spouse. Explaining calmly that you do not like how he treats you will be much more effective in this case. If your husband asks for forgiveness, accept his apologies because it means he’s doing great work on his way to healing.
- Communicate with Your Husband
This advice may seem too obvious to you, but lack of communication is often a problem for married couples, especially those who have been together for quite a long time. When your husband comes home, ask about his day at work or how he’s been doing with his hobby.
This small conversation will make him feel special. After all, everyone loves attention when it comes from the loved ones!
- Get to Know Your Husband’s Personality Better
You may say that you know your husband like the back of your hand. But do you know his favorite football team? Or his favorite book? What was his biggest childhood dream, and did it come true? Finally, what brand of beer does he prefer?
If you cannot answer these questions, it’s a signal that you should spend more time talking to your spouse. When you know your partner really well, it’s much easier to help him feel better.
- Don’t Make the Situation about You
Of course, you may be hurt by your husband’s drastic change. You may even think that now he’s not even a person you fell in love with. However, when dealing with depressed people, it is important to show more mercy and leniency.
Imagine how hard it must be for your husband to feel that way. When your spouse sees how kind and understanding you are, he will realize that he is not alone in his battle.
- Encourage Him to See a Doctor
Finally, one of the best things you can do to help your husband is encouraging him to take care of his health. If your spouse is not the type that visits a doctor often, it’s time to insist on doing it as soon as possible.
Perhaps he can receive some medical advice that will improve his mental and physical state or even find a reason for the syndrome.
Should I Divorce My Miserable Husband?
It’s really hard to answer this question without knowing the situation in greater detail. One way or another, you are the only person who can make this decision. You know your spouse best of all, and if you understand what you are fighting for, then keep doing that for the sake of your once-again-happy marriage.
Even though it is only up to you to decide whether to end this relationship or not, we recommend you ask yourself, “Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?” If you did everything possible to be supportive and helpful, but things did not work out, maybe it’s time to think about your family’s future. After all, the sad truth is that all your efforts will be futile if your husband does not do his best to fight this syndrome as well.